Cones Sprout, Orange Fence Invasion Threatens Oakhurst

OAKHURST – As local environmental officials have been warning for several months, the string of orange cones adjacent to a local motel construction project have now established and are sending off seed spoors.

Officials have been warning of the danger of leaving cones in one place for months at a  time. Research shows the practice causes them to develop spoors in their extended dark recesses.

“The interminable motel project and its associated cones are well past maturity and the spoors have begun to spread” according to one local environmentalist, who asked that her name not be published.

She added that the combination of smoke, upslope winds and excess seasonal heat combined to form a perfect spoorstorm, sending the spoors north of Oakhurst. The spoors are thought to attach to, and be distributed by, smoke particles… particularly Live Oak and Buckeye smoke.

“Under normal circumstances the spoors seldom blossom. However in this instance the spoors found the perfect conditions along Highway 41 north of Oakhurst” she said, “they first took root as tall stalks topped with an orange blossom. Once several were established they spread vine-like between stalks.”

The stalks and vines appear to be harmless to touch, however, ingestion can cause severe gastric distress.

According to the environmental expert “Under current conditions the stalks and vines can be expected to spread at about one mile a day. We consider the situation here as a rare opportunity to observe how they blend with the natural surroundings.

We have filed an emergency request with the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency to have them protected under the 1984 Gutenberg  Amendment to the Endangered Species Act.”

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